Psalm 51

I had the opportunity to travel North to move my sister into her new apartment!  It was so great to spend a weekend away with my family and just relax.  It made me wish I could re-do my college years over.  Some say to live with no regrets, but I'm not sure that's entirely possible.  There's always the 'what if's' and 'if only's' that sometimes creep into the back of my mind.  I can say with certainty that if I had the opportunity to re-do college, I would.  Although I definitely do not regret the people I met, the life long friends I made, the memories created, or the job I had, I really do believe that I would want to do it over.  Why you may ask?  To put God first.  Throughout college, God was not first.  Most definitely not.  In fact I bet you He was way down the list.  Being in my sister's college town made me want to re-enroll and join all kinds of clubs and organizations.  As weird as it may sound, I look up to my little sister.  She is such a role model for me and I'm so proud of her for standing firm to what she believes, even when she had a sister that couldn't be that great of role model for awhile.  What's even better, is she never once looked down upon me for my actions.  She stuck with me through thick and thin.  The way it will always be between us.  Best of friends.  I love her so much, I don't think she knows how much I love her and appreciate her.  She is amazing.

This weekend was an emotional one.  With saying goodbye to my sister, reminiscing on my own college days, and remembering the past.  God has brought me so far.  Today I had something arise that brought back some not so great memories.  And you know what?  It didn't affect me the way it used to.  In fact, with the help of God...it was quite easy.  I'd like to share with you a prayer that a good friend of mine showed me when she was going through something similar. 

"Lord I don't want the words of man to take away the peace I have in you, Lord I ask that you would be my pure Joy that no human can take away that Joy and Love that you want to so abundantly lavish on me. Lord I pray that if there is any spirit of fear, disappointment or insecurity that in the name of Jesus it would be gone and I would be covered in the blood so I can more efficiently seek your face and your truth. Lord I ask that you would be the only one that fills my life. That you would be my sole provider and defender when I call to you Lord. Whether I am struggling or rejoicing, I will lay everything at the cross for the one who laid himself down for me so that I may be free from any chains!"

God has obviously pulled me away from some things for a reason, and I just need to continue to trust that He has a plan greater than I will ever know.

On Sunday we visited my sister's church, and the message really stuck with me.  It was based on Psalm 51 where David is crying out to God for his mistakes and past.  He says "Create in me a clean heart, oh God! And renew a right spirit within me!"  I needed to hear that.  The one and only living God, who created the whole world, can create a 'new clean heart'.  That's exactly what I needed.  A new clean heart.  The verse goes on by saying "Restore unto me, the joy of thy salvation".  Again I'm talking about joy, but that pure joy that someone has when they accept Christ into their lives...that freedom and happiness knowing that they are God's child.  We can so easily lose that joy.  As Christians, we should be CONSTANTLY joyous for our salvation and the sacrifice God paid.  It is very easy to take it for granted.

Picture I snapped on my drive back...
Seems so freeing...

So stepping down from my soap box...that's what I learned this past weekend...and today.  God has a plan.  Even though I may not know what it is, and there are people out there who want to steal my joy...I'm not letting it happen.  God is in control and I surrender every thought and hurtful word to Him.